


Wounds That May Never Heal

by sakechan4ya



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Past Lives, Canon Related, Character Study, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship / Flirting / Thinking of You Fest, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Friendship, Relationship Discussions, Romantic Fluff, True Love's Kiss, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:58:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3265805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakechan4ya/pseuds/sakechan4ya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The emotional turmoil that the failed 57th Exterior Scouting Mission takes on Levi continues weighing heavily on his mind. Leading Levi to question if this struggle against humanity is worth it, after so many of his comrades demise. But, it wasn't until an unexpected encounter with Commander Erwin Smith, that Levi learns how to cope with the wounds of his past. He goes on to learn that he is much more than a valuable commodity for the mission. This journey of healing leads both men to discover how deep their perceived feelings for one another are. </p><p>Erwin x Levi (Eruri) fluff/romance, angst, drama.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Painful Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This Eruri fluff spun out of my head after watching the dub anime and reading the manga. This semi-canon AU takes places after episode 25 of the anime. I wanted to try and set the events, in a semi-canon universe. This AU flashes back to events that happened in Levi's past, which take place before "A Choice With No Regrets." There aren't any spoilers of the sorts, just my own head canon and spin on the Eruri fluff and the events that transpired after the scouting mission. 
> 
> Anything, related or resemblance to any other fanwork, is pretty coincidental. As I haven't even read or divulged yet into the world of Eruri yet. This piece is total head-canon, and any inaccuracies of both the story-line and characters wasn't intended. This is just an implied, AU over events that I thought could work within the story-line.

“Levi?”

“Levi?!”

“What is it?!” Levi answers annoyed, not bothering to turn around.

“I bought you something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You should put something in your belly…since you haven’t bothered eating anything all day long.”

“I’m fine,” Levi insists.

“If you change your mind…it will be here waiting for you.”

Levi remains mute staring blankly ahead. It wasn't until he heard the door clicking when he turned. Now with the coast was clear, he saunters over to the small wooden table looking over the bowl. He took a long whiff inhaling the broth’s savory scent.

“Looks, like chicken noodle…curse you Erwin.”

Levi took a seat at the table peering at his meal. He picked up the spoon, taking a long sip. The soup, felt warm, inviting helping clear his parched throat. As soothing as the soup was, he couldn't seem to grasp the taste of his favorite broth. He dropped the spoon, watching it crash against the table. Levi sighed looking at his callused hands.

“That’s right how could someone with so much blood, on their hands smell could or taste anything other than bloodshed and pain.”

“I’m a fool.”

Levi lifts up from the table but as he was walking away he felt a slight ting of pain.

He stops glaring at the floor. “Damn ankle.”

Ignoring the prickling feeling coursing through his injury Levi continues on till something caught his attention.

Hearing voices nearby Levi stops, peeking outside his window. He stood, watching some of the Military Police haphazardly sweeping up all the blood, bodies and debris from the desolate street below his loft. Levi sighed shifting his attention over to the crystal, blue skies wondering how Mother Nature could afford them this tranquil beauty in this trying time. Then another thought occurred was this her way of showing the people of Stohess that despite the terror, bloodshed and chaos that he and the Recon Corp bought upon people of Wall Sina that their mission wasn't a complete failure after-all. 

In the end, he and the surviving members of the 57th Exterior Scouting Mission managed to not only capture the elusive female titan but they also were able to…save the idiot. Whom Levi, hated to admit was probably their best chance at saving humanity at this point. Which, still bought Levi very little comfort, knowing that Eren Jaeger, the frantic, irrational, boy, determined to become a member of the Survey Corps could be the key that he and the others needed to unlock the secret of the titans. Levi shifts handing his attention back over to the people gathered below.

He leans over the window sill watching, wishes that there was something he could do especially for the fallen members of the Special Operations squad. His mind shifts back to the moment when Petra Ral’s father approached him, revealing that she was secretly in love with him. A revelation, that honestly took him by surprise. Still, that aside, Levi simply didn't have the heart to tell him that his beloved daughter was dead. Speaking of death Levi stood there wondering why he was given another chance at life. At this point in his life, he had taken more than a few gambles on his own life, on several occasions. He lingered at the window stalling at the reality that once again his life was spared for some odd reason. He shifts watching the people below, wondering if there was _anything_ he could do to honor the memories of his fallen comrades…

* * *

A sharp chill ran down his spine Levi shivered, closing the shutters cutting off the chilly winds. He walked over to the fireplace, looks like now was as of a good time to start the fire seeing how the evening had turned quite frigid. After gathering the wood, Levi lit a small match tossing it into in the wood. He stood watching the embers slowly starting to set the wood ablaze.

He sucks in a long deep breath, the smell emitting from burning embers was drowning out the grim smell of death that was saturating the air. As Levi stood watching the fire grow, loud piercing screams start pervading his mind becoming louder and louder by the second. He tries to shift his thoughts but it was too no avail…Levi couldn't seem to shut off the horrific screams. He shut his eyes, but behind his lids, all he could see was a glow of red.

A deep scarlet red…the color of blood, and fire.

Where were these pervading thoughts of screams, images of fire, and blood coming from he wondered?

Levi tries to focus his thoughts on something, other than the images and piercing screams twisting around inside his head. Levi gasps opening his eyes staring into the fire…and in that very moment his mind started flicking back to the past, back to a time that he would often try to suppress in the far depths of his conscious. But the more he tried fighting the more his mind kept replaying the screams, and images. It was as-if they were on some weird continuous loop, spinning inside his head. If that wasn't enough, he sat there wondering why his mind had suddenly been thrust back in the past.

Levi didn't know.

He whipped away from the fire wrapping his head in his hands. But the searing fire, the heat, along with the screams echoing inside his head sent Levi into a tailspin with him being forced to recall that horrible day that changed his life forever…

* * *

* * *

 “Celeste there you are.” Levi ran into her comforting arms.

“Levi I’m so happy that you are safe.”

Levi peered at the raven haired girl with the bright green eyes shaking his head. “Why…is something going on?”

“Levi they’re here.”

“Whose here?”

Celeste peeked outside of the small wooden door. “The titans.”

Levi swallowed hard, “they are?!”

“Yes,” she said turning back to Levi. Her normally happy expression, was replaced with a look of sheer terror. The normally fearlessly happy, girl that he had come to know, looked sickly, pale as if all the color had drained from her soul.

He gasped, realizing from her expression this was no game, nor was a drill, and the threat was real.  In that moment it hit Levi, that there was a strong chance that the both of them could die any moment…second.

He clutched his rapidly beating heart, trying to catch his struggling breath. “Celeste, what are we going to do?”

“We’re…” she started pointing towards both herself and Levi, “not going to do anything you are going to stay here.”

A wave of confusion swept over Levi, what had she meant by this statement, but as he were preparing to ask what she meant a long quake rattled the vicinity interrupting his attempt. Unable to keep his balance he stumbled to the ground, gripping his head.

“Levi…are you okay?!”

“I’m fine,” he insisted, declining her help.

But, as he tried sitting up, Levi knew something was amiss, as everything around him was spinning in some sort of twisted notion. Shrieks, yells, and murderous screams that reeked of death sliced the air cutting off his circulation of thoughts. Suddenly, in that moment the air reeked of smoke, along with a rain of body parts pouring from the air like hail of fire. Levi shrieked staring in horror at the piece of flesh clinging to his leg. Too shocked to move, he sat there shaking, convulsing…helplessly pinned to the ground by his own paralyzing fear.

Fright that was well warranted, their city’s greatest fear had somehow manifested into reality.

A titan attack.

He lied there on the ground wondering where were their champions of justice, the people who were supposed to protect them from the biggest threat to humanity.

A long and loud, growl nearby jolted Levi from his state of shock.

“Levi?”

“Yes.”

“Come with me.”

Levi nodded swiping the flesh from his leg and without question followed Celeste inside. She quickly shut the door behind them skirting pass him.

“Levi, hurry.”

He tried moving faster but his feet and his mind for some odd reason weren't in sync with each other. Celeste reached out grabbing his hand dragging him through the empty hallway. He thought he heard her speak, but it was difficult to decipher what she was saying over the rattling of the ground beneath them along with the blood-curdling screaming threatening to bust his eardrums.

“Levi…I want you to stay in here.”

“In where?” He looked around the small dining room, trying to find where she was referring too.

“The cubby hole.”

“There?” Levi questioned trying to make sense of what Celeste was asking him to do.

“Yes.”

“But why?”

“This is the safest place from the titans.”

“But, how do you know?”

“Levi, trust me on this I know that it is.”

Levi glanced back and forth between Celeste and the small, crawl space. His entire core shook as he watched in horror all the precious memories, memorials, and other treasures become distant memories as they crashed into the ground shattering in pieces. Levi ducked trying to avoid the hail of glass, wood and other debris that littered the ground around them.

“Levi, please go inside now,” she begged.  

Nodding his consent, Levi slowly crawled inside the cramped hole. If there was one person in this world that he could trust it was Celeste and if she thought this was the safest place, then so be it. He watched the smile that he loved spread across her youthful face. Returning her smile, Levi moved over to make room for her. This was the place where the both of them would often come to share their most intimate secrets, or to simply spend time together but instead of coming inside, he saw her shutting the door.

“Celeste, what are you doing?” Levi demanded holding door.

“Levi, I love you and this is why I’m protecting you.”

“What?!”

In that moment, everything around him, including all the chaos, and wreckage ceased to exist.

“Levi by hiding you inside of here the titans won’t come after you they will…” she stopped sucking in a long breath, “come for me.”

Levi remained mute, feeling his body starting to convulse with that paralyzing fear once again.

“But…but how do you know that they will come for us?” Levi asked, feeling the strain in his voice.

“Trust me they will, they can smell, sense human blood it’s what they thrive off live off they flourish from our existence.”

“No…that doesn't make any sense if you’re here with me they won’t be able to find us,” Levi pleaded, pressing his hand against the door.

“Levi you have no idea, how much this world needs someone like you.”

“Celeste, what are you talking about?”

“Levi, I've seen you out there training you have such amazing skills.”

Levi gasped, he hadn't realized that Celeste was watching those pretend training exercises that he often mimicked from some of the local Scout Regiment members. Besides being too young to join, Levi wasn't at all interested in joining or having an affiliation with the government or any of their entities. He simply was playing around and copying their techniques only as a means to pass time.

Lost in his own tangled thoughts, Levi failed to notice Celeste leaning in closer, startled he tried moving closer but the cramped space wouldn't allow him so. He shut his eyes, not knowing what to expect…he lingered there anticipating till he felt a slight peck on his cheek.

“Celeste,” Levi whispered touching his face.

“ _Farewell_ …” was the last word Levi heard as she shut the door.

“Celeste!” Levi screamed from the other side, beating against the door. 

But his call fell on deaf ears.

He tried turning the knob but to no avail she had locked it from the other end. Levi cursed slamming his fists into the cold, hard floor. What the hell was she doing…and why did she lock him inside. A wave of panic, and sheer terror started sweeping over him. Then the truth finally hit him, and there was no way he was going to let Celeste sacrifice her life for his sake. After-all he had already lost his parents in this manner…there was no way he was going to lose her too. Looking around Levi, tried looking for anything he could use to pry open the door. Damn, there wasn't anything he could find anything useful.

As he continued looking, a wave of unfamiliar voices stopped Levi dead in his tracks.

“No you can’t do that!”

“Girl…we have too otherwise the titans will come for us.”

“No!”

Levi leaned his ear against the door, trying his best to decipher the jarring conversion.

“Please don’t!”

“We have too.”

“No, I won’t let you!!” Celeste screamed.

“Guys take the girl!”

“ **LEVI**!!!”

“ **CELESTE**!!!”

Thumping, rattled Levi’s core, with his heart now beating in sync to the sound of the heavy rattling. At some point, he managed to tune out his flustering heartbeat trying to focus on the voices growing closer to his location.

“They’re coming!” someone screeched.

“Do it now!” yelled another.

“ **NOOOOO**!” Celeste wailed.  

Levi covered his ears as the bloodcurdling screams ripped through the air. Though, covered ears the thumping sound was all that he could hear. But, then again at this point Levi wasn't too sure if that was the sound of a titan or the beating of his own heart.

Dead.

Silence trickled through the air sending a frightening shiver down his spine.

Why had everything gone so quiet all of a sudden?

Then it hit him…the smell of metallic…that inevitable smell was the stench none other than death. Levi swallowed hard trying to fight the tears swelling at the base of his eyes.

“Celeste…” he called, but Levi knew his attempts were in vain.

He called out to her once more for reassurance but nothing but dead silence answered him back. Levi cursed, slamming his fists against the door. This was it. He slammed fists against the harden floors allowing his emotions to overtake him.  Levi lied there not bothering to fight the tears constantly pouring. Once again when he thought he was healing from the anguish of losing his family those many years ago, he was hit with another blow. Levi wailed, not caring if anyone or the stinking titans heard him…he was as good as dead anyway. As it felt like both his heart and soul were ripping away from him.

As he lied there casting out his sorrows a different smell invaded his senses, this smell jarred him out of his stupor. This wasn't any ordinary smell…he took a long sniff of the hot, dry air. The air started choking his airways. Then it became clear that the clogged air was smoke and from the smell of it, there was a lot of it. Panic, swept over him as he tried searching once again for something he could use to escape.

“I have to get out of here!”

Levi managed to find a way to sit up and began kicking the door with all his might. He covered his face, trying not to breath in the toxic air that was threatening to suffocate him. Just as he found the strength to kick down the slacken door some fallen debris thwarted his escape. Levi, shoved against some of the shards slowly crawling out of the hole. Ignoring the prickling pain, and blood dripping from his hands and knees Levi tried his best to stay below the smoke. He stopped sucking in a deep breath, but stopped cold in his tracks looking around. The place that had become like a second home, was scorching, with deep scarlet flames licking the walls, torching anything and everything in its treacherous path.

Levi searched high, low seeking an escape from the burning inferno.

Spotting a small area where the fire hadn't reached he dropped down to his knees, groaning from the both pain and suffocating air he quickly made a beeline for the opening. A shrill scream echoed through the air. Levi dropped to the hot ground, his body was in searing pain. Panic shot though his core he was afraid of the damage that the fallen debris had caused as he looked back at his leg. Levi watched helplessly as the debris seared at his flesh. Paralyzed by his own fear Levi couldn't bring himself to remove the burning ember threatening to engulf his leg.

But he knew he had to do something the burning was starting to rip away at his flesh. It was a pain like no other…it was like hot pelting needles slowly peeling away at his skin. After what felt like a lifetime, Levi managed to shake out of his stupor reaching for the object but before, he could try to get whatever had dropped on his leg off something else had fallen on top of him. Expect this time it was his back that took the brunt. A sickening crack vibrated inside his head, Levi yelped with a voice that he didn't recognize as a razor-sharp like stabbing pain shot throughout his entire body. 

Did the piece of debris that fell not only crack his spine, but severed the base of his nerves?

It certainly felt so, he yelled in agony until his throat grew raw and hoarse.

Soon numbness started spreading over his entire body, yet Levi found this strangely calming. He sighed lying his head against the warm ground. In that moment, a sense of peace started overtaking Levi. He knew that this was it and that in a matter of moments…seconds rather he would be dead. A thin smile spread across Levi’s lips soon he would no longer be of this world having to suffer this torturous pain.

It made Levi happy knowing that he would be able to join both his parents and Celeste in the after-life. Now the only thing to do was to simple wait and let death take her course. With his eyelids growing heavy, Levi no longer fought the urge to keep them open. An itch ensued inside his throat…soon it manifested in an endless array of erratic coughs...with his lungs unable to keep up with the coughing spell a choking sensation overtakes his breathing.

The taste of bitter metallic filled his taste buds. Once, Levi found the strength to open up his eyes again, around him lied a small pool of blood. He shut his eyes again, feeling the gagging sensation once more. He lied there sputtering, and choking…wondering why he was still alive, and having to suffer. But, as Levi finally felt both his heart and breathing slowing, a flood of voices filled his ears.

“Do you think anyone is in there?”

“I don’t know…”

“Commander Pixis, what should we do?” called a deep authoritative voice.

“We need to check every single house to see if there are any survivors,” answered Pixis, a man who Levi vaguely recognized.

“How could anyone survive this?”

“Son, you will be surprised what a man does to fight death.”

Though the fogginess that was clouding his mind, Levi slowly tried calling out to the people. But it was too no avail, his voice was still ragged and raw, from both the yelling and the coughing. He tried moving but the burns along with the injuries to both his legs and spine prevented him from doing so. Levi sighed…it was too late for him anyways he had come to terms with his imminent death. Succumbing to the pain, Levi shut his eyes, he felt his soul slowly slipping away. But, somewhere in the far corner of his mind, he heard the faint sound of footsteps, and they were gathering closer to him. 

“Over there, I think I see a body.”

The footsteps were closing in on him that much Levi knew but there was nothing he could do at this point to alert the people to his whereabouts.

“Guys, I found someone,” someone expressed excitedly.

“Is he?” another asked trailing off.

“Commander over here…” ordered the same brooding voice.

Levi could feel the warmness around him not from the fire but the people gathering around him.

“Should we?”

“Lift the debris off the body?” asked another.

Levi’s body reacted with a hard twitch once the debris was removed from both his back and leg.

“I think he’s dead…” someone nearby said.

Levi could feel the remorse in their tone. If they only knew that he was alive, suffering such torturous pain. He lied on the ground anticipating death, he was sure would come any moment now. But, to his surprise, it was none of the sorts. What gives, and why was he still among the living.

“ _Where was death, and why hadn't she come for me yet_?”

“ _What the hell was she waiting for_?”

It was this moment were Levi, realized that maybe it wasn't his time to leave this world. With both the pain and sorrow, continuing to sweep over him, Levi tried desperately to fight the unconsciousness threatening to consume his soul.

“No, I think I saw him move,” a shrill voice nearby said.   

Levi stirred, could it be that someone had realized he were alive. Even so, he was sure that there was nothing that they could do to save him at this point. He incurred grave injuries, so there was no point in wasting their efforts to save him. 

“Turn the boy over slowly,” ordered Commander Pixis.

Pain rippled throughout Levi’s body, jolting him to life as he felt his body being turned on his back. Levi tried screaming, but with his hoarse voice it was impossible.

“He’s…alive?” someone uttered.

“Barely…” Pixis expressed grimly. 

In that moment something incredible happened, Levi sprang to life, feeling his lungs clearing out the toxic air. As they cleared he started gasping, trying to cling for any available air.

“Isn't that Levi?” someone inquired.

“I believe so,” answered another.

“Commander Smith fetch the air tubes…we need to hurry if we are to save this boy.”

“Sir…Yes…Sir!” called the brooding voice beside him.  

In that moment, Levi felt something tight wrapped around his both his face and nose suddenly he felt streams of air pumping into both orifices. But, all that oxygen was too much at once, the swell of unconscious started rolling over him once again. Unable to fight it, Levi eyes rolled into the back of his head with every single inch of his body falling limp against the sodden floors.

“ _Commander…I think we are losing him_ …” were the last words Levi heard as the unconsciousness took over shrouding him in dark uncertainty…

 


	2. Invariable Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An admission of truth, leads Levi to discovering Erwin's true intentions for asking him to join his team those many years ago.

Levi looks down at his hand, wondering why it hurt. Too his surprise he hadn’t realized that he had been clutching his hand so tightly that he was cutting off the flow of blood. He releases his hands trying to recollect it. He stares into the glowing fire, with his mind trailing away to those distant memories. He stood there recalling those images and piercing screams again. That was certainly a day of reckoning that Levi would never forgot. But, what was bothering him the most wasn’t so much the terror but that he wasn’t supposed to live. Nonetheless, he miraculously made a full recovery from those horrific injuries.

Even still, none of his recovery would have been possible if not for the help and guidance of Commander Pixis. The man who took care of him raising him like his own son. No amount of gratitude could express how grateful Levi was for his tender, love and care, but it still didn’t change the fact that he had lost his dear friend. Every chance he got, he would return to her place or what was left of it.

Even after all those years it was left in the same condition, as it fell during the titan attack, burned, littered with the debris splatted blood. But, nothing was as jarring as seeing the blood spattered remains of his dear friend covering the empty corridor that was once a bustling street that Levi loved to visit. The walls of the some of the nearby houses were splashed with both her blood and remains along with many other deceased residents. Ironically, enough the scene stood silent and still confined in time like some bloody, engraved memorial.

Throughout the 3 ½ years that he spent with Commander Pixis, Levi started training under his command. Once Levi reached the age of 15, they asked him to join the Scout Regiment. But, too everyone’s surprise Levi initially declined the offer. It didn’t seem worth his time or nor his interest to get involved in any of the titan affairs seeing how all that had come of was the death of his family and Celeste. That was until one day a tall, and broodingly handsome blonde named Erwin Smith somehow persuaded him the stoic, and unassuming teenager to come and join his Scout Regiment under his command.

Shifting his thoughts, Levi no longer wanted to revel in the past…after-all there was nothing he would do to change it. Levi glances over at his pocket watch. It was time. He walks over to his bed, reaching for the small container of salve.  Retrieving the medicine, Levi slowly starts unbuttoning his shirt, slipping out of it. Levi made his way over to the full-length mirror staring at his torn, burnt flesh, rubbing his hands across his neck for some reason his hands were shaking. 

Why?

Where were the nerves coming from?

This was something he had spent the past couple of years doing, tending to his scars.

Then Levi sensed something… a presence nearby.

“Whose there?”

“Only me.” A familiar voice replies.

Levi, turned his attention back over to the mirror and out of the shadow Erwin emerges. Swallowing hard, he watched the brooding blonde slowly inch his way towards him. Reaching for his shirt, Levi quickly tries placing it back over his exposed torso.

“Erwin…how long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough…”

Rattled by Erwin’s sudden presence Levi proceeds to button up his shirt. If there was anyone that he didn’t want to see his scars…it was Erwin. He stopped, looking over his shoulders and saw his Commander standing very close behind him. They locked eyes, with Levi trying to turn away but for some reason he couldn’t seem to break their stare. He continues his stare taking notice of the way light of the fire was reflecting in his deep blue eyes.

“Erwin…you still didn’t answer my question.”

“What would that be?”

“How long had you been standing there in the darkness?”

“As I told you long enough.”

Levi sighs finally breaking free of Erwin’s piercing glare. Two of them remain quiet…with the hushed silence echoing throughout the loft. Levi, flinched a sharp pain began grinding against his skin. He could feel the heat rising against his scarred flesh. Levi could feel the anger growing inside, of all the times, why had Erwin chose now to come to his quarters. It was time for his medicine, and his body was aching for the remedy to soothing his festering wounds.

“Erwin, I hate to be rude, but is there something you want?”

Erwin remains mute shifting his attention back over to Levi.

“Erwin,” he repeats rising his tone.

“Levi.”

“Yes?”

“It’s okay.”

“What’s okay?”

“I know your secret.”

“Erwin…what are you talking about?”

Confused Levi switched his attention away from the pain handing it over to his Commander wondering what he was getting at.

“Those wounds.” 

“What wounds?!” Levi shifts peering at Erwin.

“The ones you received from the fire.”

Levi felt his heart sink into his stomach. “Erwin.”

His commander inevitable caught his fall as his legs somehow buckled beneath him. Levi jerks away turning to Erwin.

“But how?”

“Levi, I was there when they rescued you.”

“You were?” Levi stammered.

Erwin nods. Levi swallowed hard, scouring his mind for any evidence of his disclosure.

“You never saw me, when I came though you were unconscious barely clinging to life.”

Levi flinches feeling the pain circulating around his back.  

“Were you there in  _Klorva_ the entire time?”

“No, I was simply passing through town to rely a message to Commander Pixis.”

Levi sighs, turning to Erwin, “so you were not only aware of my existence before joining the Scouting Regiment, you knew about my scars all this time?”

“Clever man, I suppose you're rousing is was what convinced me to join the Scouts,” Levi continued.

“Yes, I was aware, and my rousing has helped you live up to your parents’ reputations as one of humanity strongest opponents.”

“So, you’re going to take credit for my abilities, something that I never intended on pursing in the first place.”

“Someone had to bring that spirit out you, otherwise what a waste it would have been to see you doing something otherwise.” 

Levi shifted his gaze meeting Erwin’s. “If I didn’t know any better it would seem that you were using my skills and strength to get closer to me…and if that’s the case, then you should stay away…” he sneered darkly.

Levi felt a sense of anger coursing through his veins along with the torturous pain threatening to tear away at his flesh. There was certainly no room in his heart for someone else. Seeing how everyone that he loved perished a long time ago.  Erwin steps closer, close enough for Levi to get a long whiff of his fresh, yet masculine scent. In that same regard his inviting scent started calming his growing anger. Levi shifts his troubled thoughts unable to understand how in one instance he was angry at the thought of Erwin knowing his secret only to feel at ease in the next instance.

As he stood there wrapped in Erwin’s presence, Levi had taken notice that usually when he was around he felt at ease. Levi wasn’t all that sure why he only felt this way around Erwin…but he had to admit that he did enjoy those moments seeing how far, and in between they were. In fact it was a welcomed relief…it gave Levi a slight bit of comfort, especially with all the violence, uncertainty and death constantly surrounding him.

Lost in his own tangled thoughts, Levi fails to notice, that his Commander had invaded more of his personal space.

“Erwin, what are you?” Levi trailed off.  

“Perhaps it was selfish of me…” Erwin started reaching over unbuttoning his shirt, “to seek your company more for myself than the mission.”

“Truth be told it wasn’t only for my sake, but I knew that I needed you on  _my_ team as much as humanity needed a savior.”

Levi froze staring at his Commander, trying to understand his admission of truth.

 “I needed someone on my team, who was not only rational, and could follow direct orders but someone who could lead the team in my absence if necessary.”

Levi remains mute peering at the brooding blonde.

“I wanted someone who was not going to allow themselves to get caught up in their emotions,” Erwin continues.

Levi looks up catching Erwin’s hypnotic gaze.

“I needed someone who wasn’t afraid of…death.”

Levi swallowed hard shifting his attention away from Erwin. If Erwin only knew that how much he feared death.

“Commander Pixis was the one who recommended you.”

“Is that so?” Levi whispers.

“Yes.” 

“Curse him,” Levi mutters handing Erwin’s his attention.

He looked up noticing a small sheepish grin forming across Erwin’s lips.

“Care telling me what’s so funny?”

“You are.”

Erwin slips open the last button, turning Levi back towards the mirror. Without a word or regard Erwin carefully slipped off his shirt. Never had there been a moment where Levi felt so…exposed. Despite the warmth he could feel the chilly winds vice-like grip seeping through the cracks of the shutters. Levi felt his body starting to shake, the frigid air was causing his wounds to flare up again. Unable to take any more agony Levi reaches for the salve.

“Here…allow me.”

Before Levi could protest Erwin takes the small container from his hands. Levi didn’t bother to protest…seeing how the pain was threatening to overtake him any moment now. He shut his eyes trying to find something else to focus on. Levi took in a deep breath, feeling the warm glaze being circulated over and around his shoulders. Levi chewed his bottom lip anticipating the normal swelling that would often come with salve treatment…too his surprise it was none of the sorts with the swelling being replaced by a tingling cool sensation. 

Levi let out a small of relief. This relief continues as he felt Erwin hands’ cresting down the crevice of his spine with his hands coming to rest at the small of his back. The area that had taken the brunt of his injuries. The journey of his Erwin’s soothing touch, along with the salve made his heart race. So much that so that feeling continued growing moving throughout his body. Levi could feel it approaching his loins. The sensation was so clear to the point where it was threatening to approach the tip of pants at a moment’s notice.

Levi tried shifting his thoughts away from this unexpected whim of pleasure, but since he hadn’t experienced anything of this magnitude in very long time he wrestled with the decision over whether or not to end his growing arousal. Then again Levi train of thoughts stalled, how could someone especially Erwin have the power to make him feel this way. He suspected that Erwin may have deeper feelings other than friendship for him, but never did he imagine that he harbored reciprocal feelings. It certainly would seem like so in this moment, where his body had taken over his sense of rationality.

“Levi?” calls a voice in the distant. 

Levi manages to shake out of his stupor realizing it were only Erwin.

“Yes?!” Levi answers, as calmly as he could trying to hide his fluttered state.

“Something must be on your mind, I don’t believe you heard a word I said.”

“Of course I did.”

Erwin chuckles, “Levi you know you’re not that great at hiding your true feelings.”

Levi narrows his eyes glaring at Erwin.

“At least from me that is.”

He shifts turning his attention over to the glowing fire in the distance. Much to Levi’s dismay, perhaps Erwin was right because for some odd reason no matter how hard he tried to distance himself from his emotions, Erwin always seem to know how he was truly feeling. He would often see beyond the obvious, it was as-if he were transparent as those two-way mirrors. Where one side could see in but yet the other couldn’t. There were moments, were Levi wondered if Erwin understood his moods more so than he did.

“There all done.”

Before Levi could react he stood there watching as Erwin slid the stark white shirt over his bruised torso.

“I suppose a thanks is in order.” Levi slips his arms into the sleeves the crisp shirt which surprisingly felt both cool and refreshing against his raw, burnt flesh.

He turns to Erwin locking eyes with his Commander, but as he were preparing to give him thanks Erwin steps closer startling him. He stood there wondering what Erwin was preparing to do. The events seemed to occur in slow motion, as he watches Erwin cuffing his hands around his shoulders pulling him inside his personal space, planting a small kiss upon his forehead.

“There’s no need to thank me.”

“Erwin…” Levi whispers, pulling free from his grip.

“You should finish up the soup before it gets cold. It will help you sleep better and prepare for our departure in the morning.”

Levi, quickly shifted his attention over to the ground feeling his face grow flush.

“I’ll leave you be. If you need anything don’t hesitate to find me.”

Levi remains mute, it wasn’t until he heard the door close when he bothered looking up.

“What the hell?!”

“That…Erwin...” 

The confused, anger confined inside his heart that was waiting to escape began to deflate the longer Levi lingered in the moments that transpired. How could he be upset with the man who took him under his wings helping him control all that anger, and rage burning inside. Erwin was the one who taught him how to wrangle in all those emotions by channeling them into combat. He wasn’t all that sure how, but Erwin had the uncanny ability to quell that swelling heartache that he had held too… given Levi renewed hope.

Hope, that someday not only would he be able to take average on the monsters that killed his loved ones, but gave Levi hope that he would be able to open up his heart to others. Levi, took in a long deep breath, gripping his fluttering heart.

In that moment, he realizes that perhaps Erwin was  _the_  one he loved.

Levi let out a long sigh not bothering to button up his shirt as he walked over to the small table. He took at seat picking up the spoon, slowly dipping it into the smooth, clear broth taking in a spoonful. Despite sitting out in the cold, the soup still maintained some warmth. This bought a smile upon Levi’s lips. He was final able to enjoy the taste of the soup. Although the chilly air smelt of death, Levi felt grateful that he could find some enjoyment in one of his favorite dishes.

He had none other than Erwin to thank for that. It was amazing how such a simple gesture could invoke the truth inside his heart. Levi turns to the fire feeling the warmth from the soup calming his ailing thoughts. As his thoughts kept toiling away at the events that transpired today they kept stalling on his Commander. In that moment, flashes of their countless moments together appeared before his very eyes.

Levi grips his heart, could it be all this time that Erwin was the one that held that the key to unlocking those emotions he kept hidden inside.

“Damn you Erwin,” Levi mutters, shifting his attention back over to the fire…

 


	3. Satisfying Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin is determined to show Levi how much he truly cares.

Erwin sighs leaning against the smooth wooden walls glancing back and forth between it and the door. For some reason he couldn't seem to calm his racing thoughts. Everything from their journey into the Forests of Giant Trees, to seeing all the people’s faces and all their disappointment constantly flooded his mind. But, the other thing that was weighing heavily on inside his conscious was that secret longing for his Captain.

His fear for his safety was constantly on his mind. Especially with recent incident involving the Military Police by the rogues group’s leader Commander Nile Dawk. In retrospect, Commander Dawk had every reason to question his tactics, especially with the female titan running rampant inside their city so  _someone_ had to take blame for the breach in their walls. Nonetheless, despite his own life hanging on the line there was only one thing of concern…and that was Levi’s safety. Erwin shifts his attention over to the ground in that moment realizing that perhaps those perceived feelings for his Captain ran deeper than he thought. He lets out slight gruff, could it be that his true feelings for the stoic, scarred young man were finally coming to surface.

Speaking of which, a slight stir behind the closed door startles Erwin from his thoughts.

“Could it be?”

Erwin carefully pulled on the knob of the door, slightly hesitate to go inside. He cautiously slid it open peering inside and saw Levi sitting on the corner of his bed. He slips inside, being careful not startle him. Much to Erwin’s surprise Levi didn't stir. He continued over to his bedside, wondering if Levi was awake. From the way he was positioned with his head down, and arms folded, it looked as if he were sleeping. He cautiously stepped closer to his bed.

“Levi…”

Erwin stood wondering if he should disturb him, seeing how Levi looked like he were sleeping peacefully. But, then that longing for his Captain starts overtaking is his sense of rationality. Unable to control his urges Erwin leans in closer reaching out for Levi.

“I see you couldn't sleep either.”

Levi reaches over grabbing his hand.

“Levi!”

Startled by his sudden alertness Erwin pulls away. Soon an air of silence danced between the two men with Erwin turning his attention over to the glowing fire.

“No, I couldn't sleep either.” 

“That makes two of us…then,” Levi said, not bothering to look up.

“So it seems.”

Erwin glances over at Levi. “Can’t sleep knowing that you are still awake.”

Levi turns to him, crinkling his nose. “Then you’re a fool.”

“Levi, there you go again.”

“What?!” Levi grunted.

“So cynical, as always.”

“I certainly have every reason to be, don’t you think?”

“Of course. Wouldn't expect you any other way.”

“So, let me be.”

Erwin steps closer to his bed. “Levi, didn't I tell you that I always know what you are truly feeling.”

Levi grunts turning away. Erwin chuckles, gathering from his silence he knew that he were telling the truth. But as honest as Levi were this was one truth that he would never admit.

“The idea of sleep has been terribly elusive, so why even bother trying to chase it…” Levi said sharply.

“How can you give up something you haven’t bothered pursuing,” Erwin casually suggests.

Levi sighs not bothering to turn to him. “Why bother all I see when I sleep is blood, and death. Then, there’s all those horrific screams constantly echoing inside my head, those nightmares never seem to end.”

This admission surprises Erwin. The part about the nightmares was new, he never hear Levi mention them before.

“Levi, I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to get any good rest these days.”

“Save it for the masses, I don’t need nor want you or anyone else’s sympathy.”

“After all isn't there enough in this world to worry about.”

“Levi, are you saying that your well-being shouldn't be a priority?”

Levi turned to Erwin, “that’s exactly what I’m saying.”  

“How can you say that when you know damn well, that your health has always been this team’s top priority.”

“Only to you it is.”

Erwin shifts narrowing his eyes at his Captain.

How could he think that no one cared for him or his state of mind?

This admission takes Erwin by surprise. He had no idea that Levi felt this way. He knew how much he cared for his comrades, but he never imagined that Levi felt the team didn't reciprocate his concern. 

“Levi…”

“Erwin, spare me, everyone on this mission is dispensable, including me, so it doesn't matter if I live or die. All that matters is achieving our mission, even at the cost of our own lives.”

“While, that maybe true that still doesn't mean that our lives don’t matter, we matter as much as those people out there. Our lives are at stake just as so with the only difference being that _we_ are risking it all to save not only their existence but our own,” Erwin countered.

“But that’s just it Erwin, to those citizens we are the saviors that go out there and slay those God-forsaken titans. Whenever we fail, they lose their faith and trust in us, so to them we become nothing more than dispensable entities that not only failed, but lead their loved one to their deaths.”

“True, but there are many people out there that not only look up to us and our mission, but many that look up to you. Many of upcoming cadets rave about you and your abilities hoping to one day meet you and learn of your skills and techniques.”

“Erwin, you give me way too much credit. If anyone deserves that pomp and circumstance are both you and Commander Pixis. I learned everything from you guys.”

On that note, Levi turns his attention back over to the fire. Erwin sighs, apparently there wasn't anything that he could do to convince his Captain that he was much more than a valuable commodity for their team…or was there?

With his emotions overtaking his rationality Erwin climbs in the bed sliding behind Levi. To his surprise Levi didn't flinch or move away. He took this as a good sign that perhaps Levi would be more receptive to what he had to say.

“Levi…” he started moving closer into his personal space, “you are a much more than a dispensable asset...”

“You're the only one that feels that way.”

“That’s not true.” 

Levi turns locking eyes with him. “Erwin, I do appreciate the concern but it’s wasted on me. I have nothing to give or anything left worth fighting for besides the struggle for humanity. So, please don’t waste your precious time and concern on me.”

Erwin peers in bewilderment at Levi, one would never know that the man, known as mankind’s strongest opponent would sound so…defeated.

In that moment, Erwin decides he should do something to show Levi that there was someone out there that  _truly_  cared for him.

“Levi…”

Erwin starts by gathering closer to his ear, “I care for you.” He leans forward whispering these words into his ear.

“If you care, then prove it,” Levi shot back peering at Erwin.

A smile touched his lips, so without another’s moment hesitation Erwin presses his lips into the small crevice of Levi’s neck. Levi bolts upright handing Erwin his full attention. He continues pressing his lips into his neck slowly moving across his shoulders feeling the harden muscles contracting with each motion. He slowly wrapped his hands around Levi’s bare torso, silently thanking him for not bothering to button up his shirt. As he dragged his hands up and down his torso, feeling Levi’s body contracting slowly with each touch and yet before he knew it his hands had reached the base of his pants.

He stops, thinking should he continue, for a second Erwin wonders if he were taking things too far…but in the same regard Levi hadn't bothered resisting anything up until this point. Erwin knew that once he went there, there was no returning. It would certainly change the nature of their relationship. In the end, Erwin decides to take the chance, seeing how this might be the one and only chance he would have to spend alone with Levi, he continues on.

Erwin peels back the top of his pants slowly…methodically continuing till he reaches his target. To his surprise, Levi’s member was erect, and ready to go. Erwin leans in closer gently stroking and gliding his fingertips over Levi’s erection. At some point Levi had finally succumb to the pleasure as Erwin was trying his best to hold up his limp body. Erwin felt the rippling efforts of Levi’s erratic breathing and contracting muscles as he continues pleasuring his manhood.

Levi let out a string of low guttural moans indicting that he was enjoying the foreplay. The pleasure of getting Levi off, was inevitably turning him on, too with Erwin struggling to contain his growing erection. No sooner did Erwin, feel a jolt, hearing a long groan escape Levi’s lips. Just as quickly as it began, his stroking had come to an end, with Levi releasing his seed all over his hands.

Levi pants turning to Erwin. “See what you made me do."

Erwin smiles, “you enjoyed, and that’s all that matters.”

“Whatever.” Levi turns away. 

“I have something else in mind that I know you would enjoy.”

“Is that so?” Levi asks dully.

Without a word, Erwin slowly starts pulling off Levi’s unbuttoned shirt tossing it aside. He slowly traced his fingers down one of his scars, being mindful of the all the pains that these wounds have caused. This was the first time that Erwin had taken notice of his scars up close, many of which seemed akin to a long winding trail, with many pathways, and bumps that ultimately lead to the small of his back.

The area where Levi’s greatest injury had occurred. Eventually his hands would come to rest on the ends of his shoulders, shoulders that were heavily burden with pain, loss, and his apathy towards life. Erwin leans in closer to his Captain, hoping that he could have the power to help Levi cope with all the burdens that life had thrown his way.

“Erwin…” His voice stirs Erwin from his internal thoughts. Levi turns to him taking one of his hands within his own.

With the two of them peering deeply into each other’s eyes, Erwin felt the sadness inside Levi’s dull expression. Erwin climbs over Levi gathering in front of him taking his face into his hands, pulling Levi closer to him. He shut his eyes inhaling Levi’s intoxicating aroma as he presses his lips against his. How sweet and soft they were. At first Levi resists, but then he starts giving into his kisses. He pulls Levi in closer running his hands all over his nude torso forcing him against the bed. Erwin pulls away looking down into his small, beady eyes…eyes that hid so much sorrow from the rest of the world.

In this very moment, Erwin lost control of his urges as he pressed his lips against Levi’s, in a long passionate kiss only ending with Erwin sliding his tongue over his lips and down his neck. His tongue soon found its way over to his muscular pecks encircling each of his erect nipples. Erwin continues his erotic foreplay sliding his wet tongue through the arc of his abs, and over the treasure trail leading straight to his manhood. As Erwin was sliding down reaching the tip of his pants he stopped taking a moment to enjoy the tangy, saltiness that his tongue picked up from his exploration of Levi’s delectable body. That were only the appetizer, and now it was time for the main course.

He licks his lips feeling he were ready to take their foreplay to the next level…but the question was Levi ready for it?

“So…is this your proof that you care for me?”

“That is only a small part of it.”

“What else do you have in mind?”

Erwin shifts peering at Levi, did he detect a hint of challenge in his tone? 

If so Erwin were ready to give Levi an evening of pleasure that he would never forget. Rearing up to go he peels back his pants, revealing his own erect member, Erwin starts salivating at the thought of being able to take Levi’s manhood into his mouth, running his warm, sticky tongue all over it till he exploded with pleasure. 

The very thought sent Erwin into some erotic tailspin, with him quickly tossing aside his own clothes. He climbs over Levi taking his member into his mouth caressing it with both his lips and tongue. Levi twists, and contorts his body trying to keep up with the sensual pleasure, but it was to avail. His moaning starts growing more and more guttural, so much so that Erwin fails to realize that Levi had exploded with pleasure inside his mouth.

“Levi…” he calls faintly swallowing his seed.

He remains mute with his arms laced across his face.

Was Levi embarrassed that he couldn't control his own urges?

Erwin climbs over Levi, pulling his arms away from his face. Levi turns away not bothering to face him. But in the glow of the fire he could see what appeared like embarrassment painted across his normally dull expression. Wanting Levi to feel at ease, Erwin leans over closer to his ear.

“Levi,” he whispers softly pressing his lips against the edge of his mouth.

“Erwin…”

“Yes?” he answered, looking up.

“I haven’t shared a bed with anyone in a very long time,” Levi whispers.  

Erwin smiles, “neither have I…that will make this evening much more enjoyable for the both of us.”

He saw a faint smile stretch across his lips, and that was all the conformation Erwin needed to continue...

* * *

Levi grunts deeply as Erwin turned him over placing him on his back. He was careful not to press too much on his wounds but that didn't seem to matter as Levi grapples his arms around Erwin pulling him against, his sweaty, nude body. Erwin went in straight for his lips pressing his tongue deep inside exploring the depths of his mouth. Soon both of them began tongue wrestling with each fighting for the chance to invade one’s mouth over the other. Allowing Levi the chance at winning this erotic battle of foreplay Erwin opens up allowing him to explore the depths of his mouth.

Escaping the clutches of his tongue, Erwin lifts up aiming his own erect manhood for Levi’s backside slowly sliding inside. Erwin felt strong resistance as he continues pushing his way inside. But with every push Erwin could feel the tightness wrapping around his manhood which sent shock waves of pleasure through his body. The thrill of trying to fight his way deeper inside of Levi was so titillating. Erwin hadn't felt anything like this pleasure before…the feeling was so incredibly deep, and pleasing. Once he was fully inside he continues thrusting Levi, deeper and harder pressing more into his throngs feeling the tightness constricting his own manhood...

* * *

At some point, Erwin was hovering over Levi whose arms were thrown back against the headboard. Erwin began letting out some deep groans of his own, wishing that Levi would let go of the control allow himself to enjoy their sex. Suddenly in that moment, Levi let out a long, rasping groan. This wasn't any groan, this was the sound of someone enjoying being fucked. As Erwin continues thrusting deeper inside Levi, he felt him pulling away. Erwin pressed deeper, hearing Levi’s moan growing louder…deeper. Levi tries pulling away by pressing his hands against the headboard Erwin grapples his narrow waist pulling him in closer. Then it hit him, he had reached Levi’s button, the one that was going send him into complete ecstasy. A smile crept on his face, he knew at this point he needed to continue on to help Levi reach his pinnacle point of pleasure.

“Levi…” he whispers leaning in close.

Levi looks up, Erwin reaches over pulling away the hair clinging to his face pressing his lips against Levi’s. He wraps his arms around Levi’s body continuing his hard, deep thrusting. With each stroke pressing deeper inside of Levi. Erwin could tell that Levi was trying his best to hold back, but as he continued the pleasure was obviously overtaking him. Levi starts letting out a series of loud, guttural moans that Erwin was sure anyone walking along the corridor or outside for the matter could hear. But, that didn't matter, at least not in this moment…all he desired was taking Levi to ecstasy.

Harder, deeper, faster, stronger, Levi cried out in almost agony at some point. Just a little more time Levi just a little more. Erwin had to keep going if he were not only going to get Levi off but reach his own sexual peak. No sooner would that moment come…unable to control the flow, he let it go releasing his seed inside of Levi. Erwin let out a long satisfying sigh falling on his back with the moist, slack sheets catching his fall.

“You bastard.”

Erwin turns and saw a lopsided grin painted on Levi’s face. He took that as his reassurance that Levi did indeed enjoy the sex. To his surprise Levi climbs into his arms resting his head upon his heart. Erwin wraps his hands around him returning his embrace. Not a moment too soon, he looks down and saw Levi fast asleep...

* * *

Erwin wasn't all that sure how much time had passed, but he was sure dawn would come around soon. He reluctantly climbs out of Levi’s bed, getting dressed. But before he left he stood there watching his Captain as he lied there sleeping. He looked like that innocent, petulant child he had come to know many years ago. He leans over planting a small kiss on his forehead. Erwin sighs as he tiptoes out of the loft, being careful not to stir him. Erwin leans against the wall allowing the flashes of their tryst to pervade his thoughts.

This was the first time since his wife left him those long years ago that Erwin actually felt satisfied. If that was the right word to describe it. Satisfied in a sexual sense. His job as a Survey Corp member was fulfilling, but it didn't fill his sexual desires, nor the longing to share your life with that special someone. Erwin, did at one point have that, but it was a distant memory.

While there wasn't a need to linger in the past, after-all there was nothing he could do to change it, but for all that it was, it did help him realize what he truly desired in life.

The pleasure that Erwin received from his duties were nothing compared to the longing he had for Levi. The broken teenager that he had come to know, whom had grown into the man that he began to love…almost more than life itself. From this moment forward Erwin, had another mission in mind, that didn't involve saving humanity or titan slaying. 

It involved winning Levi’s heart.

With this new mission in mind, Erwin slid away from his loft, allowing the glow of the lanterns to guide his fleeting thoughts as makes his way over to his room...

TBC

 


	4. Always & Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi comes to term with both his feelings for Erwin and his place on the team.

A long involuntarily yawn escaped his raw throat. He stirred awake upon seeing the flashes of sunlight peeking through the shutters. Levi took this as his signal to get up. He sat up rubbing his eyes. Levi shifts his attention over to the sodden sheets it was only then he realizes that he was completely nude. He swiftly reaches over retrieving his clothing lying on the side of his bed. Levi climbs out of bed only to have his legs buckle underneath him. This time it wasn't due to his injuries, this was a different type of pain. This was the after effects of his erotic tryst with Erwin.

“Curse him.”

Once Levi got to his feet, he walks over to the small wooden table taking a long whiff of the air, noticing a large bowl in the center of the table.

“Erwin, you never quit…do you.”

He reached over for the bowl of soup, taking in a large spoonful. The broth felt both cool and refreshing as it went down, settling inside his empty stomach. He picked up the small cup of tea besides it taking a sip. As much as Levi wanted to sit there savoring these bits of peace…their departure from Stohess was soon upon them. There wasn't any time to revel in the those unforgettable yet satisfying moments much to his dismay...

* * *

After breakfast Levi, showered, and finished packing up his belongings. After signing in and retrieving his ODM gear he headed over to the stables to gather his horse ignoring the stabs of stares, and the whispers flooding his ears. He continued on his way wishing that there was something he could do quell the citizens' heartache and pain…but there was nothing that Levi could do for their loved one that perished. The only thing he could offer was his reassurance that he and his team would continue the fight for humanity and everyone’s future.

Speaking of which, last night, his own reluctance and disregard for life changed. He was happy that Erwin had showed him how much he cared. Erwin showed him that there was so much more worth out there to fight for and his efforts to save humanity hadn't been in vain. Levi, reveled in that fact that he were more than an expendable commodity. Last night, Erwin’s little quips made Levi realize that he and the others were not only human too, but deserved to have a future, as much as the citizens they were fighting for.

“She’s already to go.”

Levi swiftly turned. “Erwin!”

Out of the shadow he emerges with his horse trailing close behind.

“Thanks.”

He hands the reins over to Levi.

He stepped closer to his Commander peering into bright blue eyes. He and Erwin stood lingering in each other presences knowing that this possibly could be the last and only time that they will get to spend alone. 

He reaches over coddling his face. “Erwin…a meaningless death wouldn't suit you either.”

“Levi…” he responds softly, taking his hand into his own.

Erwin pulls him in close with their lips meeting in a deep fervent kiss. Levi felt that burning singe of desire as he pressed both his lips and body closer to Erwin. Levi held tightly not wanting to let him go. But, the flood of voices outside the stables, ends their brief encounter.

“We should hurry the others are waiting for us.” Levi swiftly turns away pulling his horse forward.

“Right behind you.”

“Captain Levi…Commander Smith, you boys about ready to head out?”

“Ready as we’ll ever be, Commander Pixis,” said Erwin with slight salute.

“Great, the squad is waiting for you over yonder." 

Acknowledging the Commander’s orders Levi mounts his horse, gripping the reins galloping through the debris strewed streets. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw many people corralling around him. Levi continues through the crowd, taking notice of their mixture of emotions. He saw many weeping, heard others cursing and throwing accusatory obscenities while other less vocal citizens expressed their disgust and disregard for the Survey Corps through hushed whispers that Levi was sure they were making loud enough for him to hear.

“ **MURDERER**!” someone whispered loudly.

Levi, stopped his horse’s gait, fighting the urge to reach out to the citizens. He wanted them to know that their mission and loss lives were not in vain. That their squad has made some kind of progress in their fight against the titans. But, at this point Levi was sure that his words would fall on deaf ears. The people behind Wall Sina, believed that their cities were supposedly the safest from any titan attacks. Rightfully so, their ascertains were true, up till this point where Annie, the female titan, one of the regiment’s best recruits transformed causing massive destruction inside of Stohess.

Besides, the substantial loss of lives she caused, Levi was grateful that the  _idiot_  was able to finally change into his titan form, stopping Annie’s destruction. Honestly, had Eren not stopped her, Levi had prepared himself to execute her by all means necessary, even if that meant cutting her out of her titan body…killing her. Levi shifted his thoughts slipping back into reality. The overflow of citizens and their banter starts quelling his fleeting thoughts. He shifts noticing, up ahead, were Hange, and the reminding members of the Scout Regiment. But, as Levi forged ahead to meet them, a thought occurred. There was a family who he needed to pay a visit to.

He pulls on his horse’s reins, guiding her in the opposite direction.

“Levi, where are you going?” Hange squealed.

“Captain Levi…where the hell do you think you are going?!” Pixis yells from afar. 

Levi continues on through the crowds of people ignoring the orders for him to return. Although, he was never one to disobey orders, this was the one time where he felt justified for his defiance. Especially, with the Scouts leaving town soon, this would probably be his one and only chance to pay her family a visit. He continued on galloping past, Erwin, who surprisingly didn't follow or protest. Levi, quickly skirted through the street, back over to the center of town hoping that they would find it in their hearts to forgive him for his offences…

* * *

Levi climbs down from his horse, tying her reins around the small wooden fence.

“Wish me luck.”

His horse began neighing in response, stomping her feet. He leaned over retrieving a small dagger from a hidden pocket inside his boots. Levi opens his cloak, taking the knife to his Survey Corps jacket, cutting away at one of the emblems. With the emblem in hand, Levi tries summoning up the courage to step over to the door. Everything in that moment stood, silent and still as he reached over knocking on the small wooden door.

“Captain Levi...?”

Levi lowers his head, unable to make eye contact. “Good morning Mr. Ral.”

“What are you doing here?!” He demands.

Levi remains mute, trying to find his lost voice.

“Honey, who’s at the door…?”

“It’s Captain Levi.”

“We don’t’ want _anything_ to do with you!” expressed Mrs. Ral.

“Honey, I think we should at least see what he wants. Otherwise, why would he show his face here?”

Levi could sense the defeat in his tone. “I’m terribly sorry for…your loss. I deeply regret that that there is nothing I can do to bring your beloved Petra back…”

“Damn right, you lead our one and only child to her death!”

“Honey, please…” Mr. Ral implored, turning to his wife.

“I don’t understand how she could love a man so cold-hearted,” Mrs. Ral scowled.  

Levi felt his heart toiling away inside, he was sure at some point it were going to explode right out of his chest. “I’m so sorry…” he starts slowly looking up locking eyes with the Ral’s taking notice of their grief.

Both, had dark circles stained under their red, wrought eyes. Their expression filled with lost hope. In that moment, Levi could feel their heartache, at the loss of their beloved daughter, who as stood their symbol of hope for a better future.

Levi drops to his knees.

“Levi…” expressed Mr. Ral.

“I want you to have this.” He whips out the survey emblem. “I know there is nothing I can do to bring Petra back, but this here is proof that I shall avenge her death…even at the cost of my own.”

“Levi…” Mr. Ral said taking the emblem, “I don’t know what to say…” he stammered glancing over at his distraught wife.

Levi could hear the strain in his tone along with the confusion written across his expression. Levi took this as his way of trying to understand the magnitude of his loaded sentiments.

“Take this as my vow that I shall not allow Petra’s death to be in vain.”

“Levi.” Mr. Ral helps Levi back to his feet.

“Thank you for this.”

“There we were trying talking her out of joining but she wouldn't have it. Just like Petra to want to go out and save the world…even at the cost of her own life.” Her mother turns to her husband with shrill laughter.

“This is very admirable of young man.” Mr. Ral holds the emblem close to his heart.

“I won’t waste her sacrifice.” Levi bows before the Rals, preparing his departure.

“Levi…wait,” called her father, “there’s something we think you should have too.”

Levi ceases his departure curiously walking back to their door.

“Here,” offered Mr. Ral.

“Honey…”

“It’s okay,” he expressed softly turning to his wife.

“What’s this?” Levi took the small envelope glancing back and forth between it and her parents.

“This is a letter from Petra.”

“She left it here before…departing for the mission,” choked Mrs. Ral.

Levi, shifts feeling his heart thumping wildly once again. His mind, started racing with endless possibilities of what her letter could contain.

“Thank you. I shall be on my way.” 

“Thank you…Captain Levi.” Mr. Ral reaches out a hand, Levi takes it into his own with a small bow.

Wrestling back his own choked emotions, Levi hurries over towards his horse. He stood there, grappling with whether or not to open up Petra’s letter.  Levi decides to go ahead, and read her letter. After-all it may contain something of utter importance regarding their mission.

Or could this be her secret admission of her feelings towards him?

Levi, didn't know.

He pulls open the crinkled letter slowly reading over its content...

* * *

* * *

 “ _Dear Levi,_

_If you are reading this, then that means I must have passed on into the after-life. Levi, I wanted you know that when I decided to join the Scout Regiment it was to help create a new world. A world free of titans. I believed that no one should have their freedom, taken away, and that one day our world would be free of the dreaded titans constantly threatening our existence. Sadly, I will not be able to see this world with my own eyes, but I wanted you to know, I left this world knowing that, humanity’s existence were intact due to your diligent efforts and plight to save everyone’s future._

_I wanted to express my deepest gratitude to you for personally choosing me, to become a part of your team. Throughout the years that we spent together, I had come to know the true person that you are inside. Although the world may not see you for who you are, I was able to. I’m glad that I gotten to experience that side of yourself that you often hid from the rest of this world._

_Please, I beg of you don’t be sad, and mourn my passing._

_I knew accepting the job as a Survey Corp member, meant my days in this world were numbered. Sometimes, you have to fight and take a stance. As anyone who refuses to sacrifice anything can never change anything. If we are to create a new future, we have to take a stance and fight those that are threatening to take it away. Levi, I know that you will not let my death be in vain. As humanity’s strongest opponent, it made me happy knowing that I was on your side of the struggle._

_In another lifetime, I would have loved to by your side, in a different matter, perhaps as your wife. Obviously, we were not meant for one another in this world, perhaps the after-life is when we both shall meet again and there we will be able to experience the existence that this world has taken from us._

_Levi, please forging on, I know that you and the others will win this fight against the titans. I’m so happy that I was able to leave this world in defiance knowing that you will not let my sacrifice go in vain and that I got to see you smile one last time.”_

_Levi, I love you, always and forever_ :)

Petra

* * *

* * *

Levi, clutches the letter close to his rapidly beating heart. “Petra…”

He shut his eyes, trying to contain the flood of emotion threatening to consume him at any given moment.

“Petra, I promise that I will not let you down…nor any of our other fallen comrades. I will wipe out every titan, with my bare hands if that’s what it takes!” Levi growled clutching his fists.

In that moment, Levi broke down allowing the flood of emotion to overtake him. It was only the call of his name by a familiar voice that broke him out of his stupor.

“Erwin…”

He looks away, not wanting his Commander to see him in this matter.

“Levi.”

Erwin lifts his face, forcing Levi to make eye contact with him. He quickly turns away, hoping that Erwin didn't catch the sprinkle of tears falling from his eyes. In that moment, Levi felt warmth, he looks up noticing Erwin’s head resting on his own. He pulled him in closer, squeezing him tightly. Levi, reaches out returning his embrace feeling the warmth and comfort that he so desperately needed at that very moment. Levi clutches on to Erwin ignoring the hushed whispers, and stares from both the town’s people and other members of the corps giving into his loving…comforting embrace.

Erwin pulls away calling out to him. His voice for some odd reason sounded so…distant. It wasn't until Erwin reaches out taking his hand into his own, that Levi steps out of his tangled thoughts.

“Let’s go, the others are waiting for us.”

His voice gentle and reassurance. There was that all-too familiar tone that Levi had grown used to. 

“Erwin…I…” he starts, hoping to explain his act of defiance.

Erwin places a finger on his lips. “You don’t have to explain anything.”

Erwin turns away gathering his horse. Levi stood still watching him mount his steed, pulling in her reins.

“Levi, let’s go.”

He carefully folded up Petra’s letter placing inside the pocket next to his missing Survey emblem, mounting his own horse. He pulls her reins, galloping over to Erwin.

Levi reaches out to his Commander, Erwin turned with a smile embracing his hand.

“Together…” Erwin started.

“Always and…” Levi continued.

“Forever…” they echo in unison.

Levi, pulled in her reins, trotting ahead, but as his horse started gathering her momentum his thoughts began trailing back to Petra’s letter. It made him happy knowing how much Petra enjoyed her duties. Speaking of the matter, her letter sparked that invariable struggle that Levi constantly worried himself over. The safety and comfort of his teammates. In fact, it was something that always lingered in the back of his mind. Then, there was the other struggle that he wasn't able to keep up, the inability to keep his team alive. Levi's plight to keep everyone alive grew more fervent the more time spent he with his team.

Even so, despite, the obvious dangers constantly plaguing their mission Levi was grateful that none of his teammates or rather friends…perished in vain. The deceased Recon members were able to expose the mole within their ranks ending her reign of terror along with Eren’s help. Levi was truly enamored by both their sacrifices and strength till the grim end. He felt grateful to have such faithful and loyal companions. He vows in this moment, to use his abilities to avenge their deaths...even at the expense of his own life.

“ _Levi, a meaningless death…wouldn't suit you_.”

Erwin’s words starts reverberating inside his head. But, even if this were true, what about Petra, Günther, Erd, and Auruo the ones that lost their lives during their scouting mission. 

Did their lives not matter?

Then another troubled thought passed through Levi’s head, was Erwin referring to those moments that transpired between Commander Dawk and the Military Police who were threatening to kill them both at a moment's notice.

Or were he simply thinking that it would have been pointless for Dawk to have them, both killed? 

If the latter where true, then Levi could understand, Erwin’s sentiments.

What good would it have done for Dawk to kill them? 

They would only add to the number of casualties that their city had sustained due to the breach within their wall. Besides, how would have Dawk and the Military Police handled the mole within their ranks, yet along contained her.

Levi smirks surely Dawk wouldn't have liked the idea of being taken into custody for executing two high-ranking officials.

Levi sighs shifting his thoughts back over to the present and up head he saw Hange, Armin, Jean, Mikasa and, Eren, along with Commander Pixis waiting. He turns seeing Erwin, trotting besides him out of the corner of his eye. Erwin Smith, the man who had not only taken him under his wings, but helped mold him into the man he is today. He was also the one that Levi, knew he could count on to satisfy  _all_  his needs. Levi turns away, silent thanking his Commander, for showing him how much he truly cared and for providing him with renewed hope that life was truly worth living.

Although, Levi wasn't certain of what the mission ahead entailed or where it would lead to them. But there was one thing he was certain of and that was the bond he shared with Erwin Smith.

That assertion along with his promise to Petra’s parents gave Levi the strength to continue on with life, knowing that there were people out there that loved him for who he was and not only for what he could do. Forging ahead, Levi crackled the reins catching up with his comrades allowing his renewed hope and outlook on life to guide him onward with his duties.

**Fin**

 

 


End file.
